I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
