I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
