I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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