when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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