remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
