you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
