dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
