Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
