ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
