matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
