your room smells of hookers.
And success
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
don't judge my taste in strippers
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
