i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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