When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
