sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
4 words: hood of his car
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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