Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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