So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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