My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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