Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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