Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So. Much. Porn.
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