Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
