We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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