Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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