im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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