fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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