Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
