I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
