Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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