yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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