She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
