i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
