Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
