Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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