My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize