U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
