i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You are the jesus of drinking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
