I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
