O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
