hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dignity is for republicans.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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