somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
