And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
