I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
