what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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