I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
