what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
