me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
