Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
