all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
