oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
