I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
