Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
